When I became a stalking victim…

Last year at this time I thought I had accomplished all my dreams.  My husband and I had built and moved into our dream home just a few months earlier.  Almost three years earlier we had relocated to New Mexico, a place I had wanted to live since I was a young girl.  I had a great job.  The trial of Jodi Sanderholm’s murderer was scheduled to begin in January and significant evidence had mounted against him.  Everything was coming together well or so it appeared.  It is amazing how quickly everything can change.

The trial came and went with what by all accounts was very swift and uneventful.  The verdict was guilty.  The penalty was death.  I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. 

It was approximately a month after the trial concluded that my life was changed forever.  I had exposed myself to some dangers by working to strengthen anti-stalking legislation and increase awareness on the crime of stalking.  A passion to create a change that would not allow someone else to suffer at the hands of a stalker like Jodi had just two years earlier.  Somewhere along the way I got a stalker.  I was prepared on some level and knew it was a good possibility.  That awareness did not leave me prepared for the next few months though.  After speaking with countless stalking victims I thought I had a pretty good understanding of what it would be like.  I was dead wrong!

Initially, I kept my situation very quiet and tracked everything that was happening.  My stalker chose anonymous emails, notes on my car or home and driving by my house.   I told no one.  Not even my husband.  I had identified the person I felt was stalking me.  It was a person known to both of us and knowing my husband I knew he would confront her angry that someone would target his family this way.  Confronting a stalker is never a good idea.  They are after the attention and even negative attention will satisfy that need and likely cause the stalking to continue.

By May, I realized the situation was only getting worse.  More emails.  The drives by my house were almost every night.  I tracked it all just like I have told many other victims to do.  I finally told my husband.  He was in disbelief that I had not come to him sooner, but just as I had expected he confronted the stalker.  The situation got worse again.  The tone of the emails changed and became more threatening.   We sent our daughter to my father’s house for a month to get her out of the situation.  Shortly after we applied for and received an Order of Protection for five years.  We hoped we would find some peace, but I knew that the Order of Protection was a necessary step, but often did not stop the problem.  I was right it did not. 

Before June, I had never shot a gun in my life.  In June, I bought two handguns and learned to shoot.  I carried a gun everywhere I went.  This was a big step for someone who was terrified the first time the gun shop put an unloaded gun in my hand.  I chose to confront the terror of holding a gun to be better prepared just in case the threats came true.

By July, we were done.  We were ready to leave everything to have our peace.  A funny thing happens when you are confronted daily with the possibility that you may not make it thru the day and if you do you could be made a widow by the end of it.  My husband and I found an even deeper love than we had in the past.  We went back to basics for lack of a better term.  We spent all our time together because we wanted to, but also because I was told by law enforcement to not be alone at any time.   We began looking at relocation options.  Neither of us felt like we could transfer due to the fact that we could easily be traced.  The unemployment rate was higher than ever.  How could we pull this off?    We took a chance.  We chose a location and moved.  I would do marketing consulting and John would find a new job.   It was the gamble of a lifetime, but all we cared about was that we would be together and safe!  Some people may see this as running from the problem.  We simply saw the problem as not worth putting up with any longer.  It was a difficult decision.  It felt like we were giving up a lot at the time.  But once we made the decision it was easy.   We both quit looking at it as giving something up and began looking at it as protecting what was important…our family.

The first month in our new (and undisclosed) location I was miserable.  I missed my old job, my friends, our dream home and New Mexico.  I found solace in the fact that we did find peace from the stalking and we are together.  No one got hurt or killed and we were a thousand miles away from Santa Fe.

I resumed consulting and working on the official launch of Jodi’s Voice as a charity.  I had originally planned to launch the charity last April, but when my own stalking started I postponed it.  Everything began falling into place.  Celebrities began signing up to help with the cause.  Clients that I love working with began signing contracts.  Within a matter of two months I had replaced my income and was enjoying the work.  All of this has been great and I have met some simply wonderful people in my new home town.  The most important part of my happiness is my family.  I lost track of the real importance in life with my career and volunteer work clouding my vision in New Mexico.  It is all crystal clear now though.  My husband and I work on Jodi’s Voice together driven by an even deeper passion now that we have been victims too.  We are still together all the time, but now only because we choose to be and not for the safety reasons we had in New Mexico.

Please do not think this is my way of saying I am thankful for being stalked.  That is far from the truth. Stalkers in general are obviously very troubled people in need of some intensive psychiatric help.  However, I am thankful we are out of the situation, safe and together with a deeper appreciation for each other.  My life is changed forever in many ways.  I am more aware than ever of my surroundings and I am prepared to protect my family and myself.  But the biggest way my life changed is to reopen my eyes to the most important part of my life…my family. 

This Thanksgiving I am more thankful than ever.  Not for things. But for my family.  For opportunity to pursue my passion of increasing stalking awareness and legislation.  For some great friends I have met along the way that want to help too.

Discovery Channel filming of Sanderholm case under way

From www.arkcity.net:

Discovery Channel filming of Sanderholm case under way

By FOSS FARRAR Staff Writer

Published: Monday, August 17, 2009 1:43 PM CDT

Jodi Sanderholm’s mother got a little choked up Sunday talking on camera about her 19-year-old daughter, who was murdered two years ago. She and two other Sanderholm family members were interviewed by a producer for the Investigation Discovery Channel, which is doing a documentary on the murder.

“I held it together pretty well,” said Cindy Sanderholm, Jodi’s mother. Sanderholm said the family at first was concerned that the documentary might focus on the murder for entertainment purposes.

But producer Jessica Grumet assured them the show would focus on how small community law enforcement solved the murder with a little bit of forensic evidence. A piece of the murderer’s hair was found in the victim’s car.

In March, a judge sentenced Justin Thurber to death for the killing of Sanderholm a little more than two years before. The 19-year old Cowley College student’s body was found on Jan. 9, 2007, four days after she went missing.

Grumet conducted interviews with Cindy, her husband Brian and her daughter Jennifer on Sunday, Cindy Sanderholm said. “They are sweet people, very calm and understanding,” Cindy Sanderholm said. Among the people Grumet planned to interview are KBI agent David Falletti, Arkansas City Police Chief Sean Wallace, other members of the Ark City Police Department, EquuSearch team member Tim Miller and trackers Ron and Jon Cannon. Grumet told the Sanderholms that her crew plans to complete filming on Wednesday, after spending about a week in Ark City.

The Jodi Sanderholm story is expected to air on “Extreme Forensics,” a show focusing on criminal investigations, on the Investigation Discovery Channel next year. The new season for the series begins in February 2010, Sanderholm said.

Girls Learn Self-Defense in Jodi Sanderholm’s Hometown

From www.kwch.com

Featured Video Girls Learn Self-Defense in Jodi Sanderholm’s Hometown

by Jim Grawe (ARKANSAS CITY, Kan.)

Young women in Arkansas City are learning they don’t have to be big and strong to protect themselves.

A father-daughter duo came to teach young women how to fend off would-be abductors.

“We are trying to shock the guy,” 15-year-old Jenna Rangel of “Girl 2 Girl Self Defense” says.  “We’re not trying to fight him, we’re just trying to get away.”

Jenna teamed up with her dad, who’s a martial arts instructor in Newton, for this program they are kicking off in the hometown of Jodi Sanderholm. Jodi was kidnapped and murdered in 2007.

“Usually when girls get frightened they freeze,” Jodi’s mother Cindy says. “This is all about teaching repetition so its an automatic brain thing to fight back if somebody comes up and scares them,”

It’s all about how to react verbally and physically when encountering an attacker.

Helping with the demonstration was Jodi’s sister Jennifer.

“I can just imagine my sister was terrified and didn’t know what to do to get herself away from it,” Jennifer says.  “I didn’t realize that the palm of my hand or my knee or my foot could be such a huge weapon in defending myself to get myself away from someone.”

A single event isn’t likely to teach the young women here everything they need to know. That’s why there’s a DVD to help girls fine-tune the skills that could prevent them from becoming victims like Jodi. 

For more information check out this website: http://girl2girlselfdefense.com/

Dead Man Walking…

Justin Thurber - Photo courtesy of Ark City Traveler

Yesterday a judge officially told Jodi’s killer that he was sentenced to be executed by the State of Kansas.  After attempts to further delay the sentence failed Thurber was officially sentenced.

The day began with the defense attorneys requesting a new trial based on their claim that Thurber’s “prior bad acts” should not have been admitted as evidence.  This was denied.

Thurber’s attorneys then tried to have him legally declared mentally retarded thereby making him ineligible for the death penalty.  After the prosecution presented the evidence that Thurber himself held a C-average, worked to destroyed evidence and submitted a report from the Larned State Mental Hospital doctor stating that Thurber was not mentally retarded that claim failed as well. 

Additionally, the defense team claimed to not receive some pre-trial documents regarding Thurber’s past criminal history.  Court was recessed for a short-time while this was investigated and the defense was given the option to review the documents.

So on the first day of Spring.   A day of new beginnings.  Justin Thurber who so brutally murdered Jodi Sanderholm was taken to El Dorado to the prison. 

It is reported that upon entering the facility Jodi’s killer appearred very nervous.  It is also reported that he received a welcome chant from all the other prisoners.  Their chant was “Dead man walking. Justin Thurber.  Dead man walking. Justin Thurber….”

He will never again by able to hurt someone like Jodi. 

He will undoubtedly have several years to think about his actions on January 5, 2007 before the state of Kansas executes him.

Jodi’s Killer Requests a New Trial

From: http://www.ksn.com/news/local/41408702.html

ARKANSAS CITY, Kansas – KSN has confirmed that Justin Thurber’s defense attorney has filed a motion for a new trial.

Thurber was convicted last month in the capital murder of 19-year-old Jodi Sanderholm.

 

In this latest motion, it’s reported that the defense claims Thurber was illegally arrested.

 

It goes on to say that evidence of bad character and past bad acts, should not have been presented as evidence. The motion is standard procedure.

 

The request for a new trial will be considered this Friday, the same day Thurber is to be sentenced.

 

The jury recommended the death penalty in the case

Debate of the Death Penalty

Jodi Sanderholm

During the recent debates over whether or not to keep the death penalty I have often been asked what is the difference between justice and vengeance.  There is a clear difference.  Justice punishes a wrongdoing as determined by the state and a jury (12) of the person’s peers. Vengeance is a personal action not supported by the laws of civilization.  If in the process of justice if the prosecution deems the crime not worthy of a capital sentence or even one person on the jury determines that the death penalty is not necessary the penalty reverts to life in prison.  This is the check and balance in our system. 

In the case of Jodi’s killer, I feel it would have been an injustice to Jodi to not sentence death.  The jury’s responsibility was to deal with the current laws (including the death penalty) and determine an appropriate penalty.  As Assistant Attorney General Vic Braden stated, “If this is not a death penalty case then what is…”  Jodi’s death was extremely cruel and not fast.  The death penalty is reserved for cases like hers.

The following are some of the question I have been asked recently regarding the death penalty debate in many states:

Do you think the death penalty works as a deterrent?

Probably not in the general public; however, I do feel it could be a deterrent for those already serving a sentence of life with no parole.  Our prison guards would be less protected without the death penalty in place.   What is to stop a prisoner from killing a guard without the death penalty?  After all, they are already serving a life sentence with no possibility of parole.

Do you think the execution of Jodi’s killer will bring you any closure?

No, I do not expect to find closure with the execution.  I find a little more closure every time the anti-stalking laws are strengthened in another state.  However, every time Justin Thurber (Jodi’s killer) delayed the hearings/trial Jodi’s friends and family were forced back into the steps of grieving.  With his execution I expect to find an “end.”  To clarify, Jodi’s friends and family can stop reliving the time Jodi was missing and focus on the positive of changing the laws and increasing stalking awareness.  Justin Thurber would no longer be in control as he has been since January 5, 2007 when he chose to murder Jodi.  He made the choices on that day.  Jodi did not.  Therefore, he now must abide by the consequences of his actions (under our laws). 

Would you witness the execution?

Yes, I would.  It is not something I would look forward to, nor is it something that would be easy.  However, I feel it is a necessary conclusion.  (The state of Kansas estimates it would be at least 15 years before Thurber is executed.)

 

What are your feelings on the studies that indicate the death penalty costs states more than a life in prison sentence?

One question back to the people who ask this question.  What is the price on the life of someone you care about? What was Jodi’s life worth that day?  The obvious answer is very little to Justin Thurber.  However, the studies that exist are not conclusive.  There are simply too many variables in each case.

What do you think about the prisoners on death row that have been later found to not be guilty of the crime?

I am not suggesting increasing the use of the death penalty as a sentence.  Currently, our society has utilized the death penalty in cases that include pre-meditation, death during the act of a sexual assault and the murder of law enforcement.  I am not suggesting this change.  Most death penalty cases are prosecuted with a combination of DNA evidence, eyewitness accounts and in the case of Jodi’s killer a last minute confession.  It is my opinion that the confession would not have come if Justin Thurber were not trying to save his own life.

What are your thoughts on the family of a death row inmate?

I am a big believer in that it is your responsibility as a parent to raise a child that contributes positively to society.  It is the parent’s responsibility to see any problems in their child and obtain help for them if necessary.  As a parent (or at least a good parent) I believe you know what your child is and is not capable of throughout his/her life.  Parents of death row inmates have failed the rest of us in society.  Not that they should be punished, but simply in my opinion they made their own choices (by not getting their child help) and must deal with the consequences as well.

In the case of Jodi’s killer.  Assistant Attorney General Vic Braden stated in his closing argument that Justin Thurber “brought his family in on this early on.”  If that is the case, his family knew Jodi’s fate while Jodi’s friends and family worried and searched for days.  They have continued to see Justin (albeit through prison bars) on his birthdays and holidays.  However, Jodi’s family has a picture of Jodi on those days.  A picture and memories of what Justin did to her that day….

Stalkers turn to cell phones to ‘textually harass’

From http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090303/ap_on_re_us/textual_harassment

By CAROLYN THOMPSON, Associated Press Writer Carolyn Thompson, Associated Press Writer – Tue Mar 3, 1:36 pm ET

AFP/File – A woman sends an SMS text message in Sydney. The bishop of Modena in northern Italy has told Catholic …

BUFFALO, N.Y. – The college student had endured months of online and cell phone harassment from her ex-boyfriend. She ignored the barrage of e-mails, changed her phone number and dismantled online profiles to cut him off.

Then one evening, her cell phone signaled a new text message. It was him again.

“You should keep to yourself and stay away from other people,” the message said, according to the student, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because she feared for her safety. Her ex had found her photo online and attached it.

As text messaging has boomed in recent years, it has also given rise to so-called “textual harassment.” Text messages antagonize recipients in a way that is not easily ignored: Most people are never far from their cell phones, and the gadgets tend to blink and chirp until unopened messages are acknowledged. Adding another sting, the victims are often charged by their cell phone companies for receiving the messages.

A study of stalking by the U.S. Justice Department’s Bureau of Justice Statistics released last month confirmed that stalking by texting has become a pervasive problem.

The report found 23 percent of stalking or harassment victims reported in 2006 that the stalker had used some form of cyberstalking, such as cell phone texting or e-mail, to harass them. It was the agency’s first measure of the emerging practice, said Katrina Baum, one of the study’s authors.

“Technology has become a quick and easy way for stalkers to monitor and harass their victims,” the report said.

And unless calling plans include unlimited texting, recipients are charged an average of 20 cents for each message sent or received, wanted or not.

“I was paying to be harassed, which is a lot of fun,” the victimized college student said.

Providers including Verizon Wireless, AT&T and Sprint say they are willing to work with customers who are charged for unwanted messages.

Verizon Wireless handled 90 billion text messages in the last quarter of 2008 alone, more than double the number during the same period a year earlier. AT&T customers sent nearly 80 billion texts in the quarter. Sprint customers sent 41 billion in the 3rd quarter of 2008.

Having a device deliver a message tends to embolden people and provides a sense of anonymity, even when the messages can be tracked to a sender, said Jayne Hitchcock, president of the volunteer organization WHOA, Working to Halt Online Abuse.

“They would never do this to someone in person,” Hitchcock said, “yet they use the faceless avenue of cell phones, their computers or home/office phones to perpetrate the harassment.”

States have scrambled to react to the new threat. Forty-six states now have anti-stalking laws that refer to electronic forms of communication, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

Only four states — Tennessee, Texas, Utah and Washington — explicitly name text messaging, but laws that are less specific may also be applied to text harassment.

Last year in New York’s Kings County Court, a defendant was accused of sending six threatening text messages to a woman during a 17-hour period. The messages said the defendant was outside the woman’s house and that she would end up in the hospital.

The defendant tried to get aggravated harassment charges thrown out by arguing that text messages were not as serious as phone calls or letters and were not covered by state law, but the court disagreed.

Technological developments “along with their many benefits, bring with them ever greater potential for abuse,” the court wrote.

The college student said she walked the rest of the way home that first night her ex texted her with the uncomfortable feeling he might be crouched in the bushes, even though she knew he lived several states away.

The texts and e-mails kept coming for more than a year and ranged from innocuous appeals for contact to disturbing insinuations of violence. The contact stopped in December, when the man messaged her that he had found someone else.

Customers who do feel threatened are advised to call law enforcers, who can then contact the provider to identify the sender.

A Web site sponsored by the Family Violence Prevention Fund, Ad Council and Office of Violence Against Women offers a textual harassment forum where teenagers trade advice and experiences with overzealous or unwanted texting.

The site, http://www.thatsnotcool.com, also has e-mailable reply “callout cards” that offer a lighter approach to resolve what could be a serious problem, with messages including “You’re much more attractive when you’re not textually harassing me,” and “Thanks for helping me exceed my text message limit.”

___

New Mexico’s Jodi’s Law (SB166) is up for the Senate floor vote tomorrow!

Jodi’s Law is up for the Senate vote tomorrow in New Mexico! (SB166) If you are a New Mexico resident please contact your Senator and ask them to vote YES tomorrow. You can find your Senator by visiting http://www.nmlegis.gov/lcs/leg.a…

It is imperative that the bill gets a “do pass” tomorrow in the Senate. It will then move on to the House committees. Without a “do pass” the bill will die….

Jodi’s Killer says, “I’m sorry”

Sorry is a word that can mean so much when it is sincere.  However, I have my doubts to the sincerity of Justin Thurber’s apology (http://www.kwch.com/global/story.asp?s=9850979) as he left the courtroom today.  Having over two years to feel regret for his actions on January 5, 2007 he waited until he was backed into a corner with no other options to express any remorse for his actions.  This leads me to believe that his sorrow is for himself and the punishment he is yet to receive rather than for his actions towards Jodi. 

Over the last two years Thurber has had many opportunities to express remorse and sorrow over the actions he chose on the day he murdered Jodi, but he chose not to do so.  Not until January 9, 2009 did he realize he had no other options in the case, but to try to secure a plea deal.  It was at this time that he signed the confession discussed in court today.  My opinion is this was only done in an effort to save his life rather than a true realization of the wrong-doing of that day.  His game of power and control is over now.  He has been found guilty of capital murder and the jury has the power to decide his fate.

The defense team made their case around Thurber’s IQ (10 points from mental retardation according to the defense) and his childhood.  At one point defense attorney Ron Evans stated, “You can take a look at Justin Thurber and see there’s something wrong with him.”  I haven’t heard anyone question the fact that something is wrong with Thurber; however, now it is up to the jury to decide if he should face lethal injection. 

The defense also placed Justin Thurber’s family on the stand.  His mother looked at the Sanderholms and stated, “I’m so, so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can’t imagine what your daughter went through.” She went on to state that she had lost people too and understood their pain. 

There is no one that can understand the pain the Sanderholms must feel.  I mourn for Jodi as well.  I mourn and feel disgust over the fear she must have felt as she walked into the woods in the Kaw Wildlife Area.  However, to me Jodi was a friend.  To the Sanderholms she was a daughter and sister.  That pain is no doubt different. 

The pain you feel when someone you care for is murdered is different than losing someone in other ways.  You know that the person you care about was targeted.  And tortured.  And ultimately killed.  With every phase of the trial – pre-trial hearings, statements of confession, the trial and the penalty phase you go through the five stages of grief all over again.  Details you have heard before hurt as much as the first time you heard them.

I am certain the Thurber family is feeling their own pain throughout this process; however, they still have their son and brother, don’t they.  Even if sentenced to the death penalty they will still have their son and brother for years.  They would say goodbye.  Then he would not be tortured for more than five hours.  He would be given an injection that would cause him to fall to sleep.  A drastic contrast to Jodi’s more than five hours of torture.

As the penalty phase closes, I ask that everyone remember Jodi for the wonderful life she led rather than the death she suffered at Justin Thurber’s hands.

NY Times Article on Stalking

Though Many Are Stalked, Few Report It, Study Finds

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/15/us/15stalk.html?_r=1&partner=rss

(Jodi’s Law is mentioned in this article.)